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From 2002 to 2008, I worked as a professional dominatrix at three commercial dungeons in New York City. A few of the things I learned—and also a few of the things I had to un-learn—as a dominatrix, have proved valuable in other jobs, and in other parts of my life.They say you can take the girl out of the dungeon, but you can’t take the dungeon out of the girl.The first is a typical dungeon with every type of whipping, spanking and flogging device a person could think of.Here, the mistress will bend her client over her spanking bench and punish him, she will tie him up in ropes and suspend him from the ceiling or maybe lock him in a cage – but not before he’s licked her boots clean.“Many men just wanted a powerful woman to control them,” she says.
If they could just do that, I’d have the ultimate fix: the intimacy I crave without risk of being misunderstood or rejected. It’s a never-ending effort on both sides to figure out if what pro doms are providing can be defined as prostitution.
Nordbak explains how she initially described her new night-time job to her flatmate.
“It’s similar to a brothel, except no sex happens there and it specifically caters to fetishes,” she writes.
He couldn’t let go of the initial discomfort and let the scene happen, let alone allow me a good enough glimpse of his inner world to take control of it for an hour.
Verbalizing his truth—how he really felt, what he really wanted—put him at risk of rejection, or perhaps worse, being laughed at. This kind of interaction happens all the time, in any relationship.